a happy little rant

Do you ever dream about things that make you feel like your current situation is lacking?  I do, all the time.  This little post is about how I dream about not living in New York City, USA.

 I need to get something off my chest.  I need to say it out loud to the world.  I need people to know how I feel.  Its nothing serious but it definitely matters to me right now.  Its all about my current living situation.  I am not happy with my current situation (I'm not in the depths of despair or depressed or anything, I'm just fed up).  I want to move far away from where I am now.  Its hard to be the one without the job with out the control of providing for the family and making certain decisions regarding certain things.  I won't go in to it all but I will share the following.   

It may be no surprise to longtime readers of my blog, but in all honesty, I am not a lover of New York City.  It sort of just worked out for me to live here long term, which was a very lucky thing.  At the beginning of my living here, I really enjoyed feeling like I was traveling around the world in a way as I visited different neighborhoods and met new people.  But all too quickly that new excitement all wore off.  The story of how I came to live in New York goes (quickly) like this:  I came to house sit for a month and then 5 months of house sitting later, it just sort of became home, as I had a good job and residency for school.  It just worked out so I stayed.  I was here almost 3 years before I met my now husband.  One way we were perfect for each other was that we were both anxious to leave New York, and longed to start our life together in beautiful mountain town.  We got married and said we'd make the big move in 2 years.  Well, 3 1/2 years later we are stilllllll here.  We have become parents in the meantime and as you can imagine our world has changed completely.  This makes me long to move to that mountain town more than ever.  At Christmas I will have been here 7 years!  That is just too long. 


I think I would love New York more if I didn't know such other wonderful options for living.  I have lived those other, better (to me) aspects of life and I want them NOW!  I am growing very impatient actually.   While I, the impractical/dreamer one, says we can just pack up and move to our dream place, but my husband, the practical/non-dreamer one reminds me that it isn't right for us.  And that's true.  So, thus, I parent, I take walks, we take weekend trips to get out of the city, I blog, I sew and make things and journal, I wake up everyday and try to pretend my better option isn't waiting for me and calling for me.  I pretend that I like the city life, the crowds, the mode of transportation, the close quarters, the smell and sounds of traffic, the cost of things that I didn't make or grow myself, the, the, the...  The list unfortunately, goes on.  For all of the great things that there are about the city, there just aren't enough to out play the cons, in my book. 


BUT, by all means, visit New York!  Come for an internship!  Live here for a couple of years!  You will love it.  But just be prepared to give up whatever "living off the land" you enjoy for the duration of your stay (unless of course you or daddy can afford an entire brownstone somewhere with the perfect little rooftop to grow your own garden and trees and flowers and house your very own chickens and such.  That way you can "live off the building" and you might be fooled that its actual "living off the land".)  I know people and I am friends with them that love this city and never want to leave.  I am happy that they have found their place!  Sincerely, this is a wonderful, fantastic, one-of-a-kind city and its worth loving.  I'm happy for people that love living here.  But I just don't. 


One day, I'll live in my house with space around and away from crowds, traffic and large buildings.  One day...

//  I share this with a happy heart, just not a happy attitude.  I smile and am grateful everyday despite my dreaming of waking up to the view of mountains and the sound of nothing.  Also, I understand life is hard sometimes and that this is just one chapter.  I also am quite aware that I am still fairly young and have the rest of my life to live my dream life.  Okay?  Okay.  :-)